Rimmer, Rimmer, Rimmer, and Rimmer
by Andy0001z
Summary: A Series 9 Story. We find the crew back on Red Dwarf with the newly generated Rimmer Hologram. Kochanski has left / died and Holly is still online. The boys from dwarf have to help a trapped Ace Rimmer from staying forever with the Zillian sisters.
1. The Message

**This story is set after Rimmer Re Born and before Back to earth. I have tried to give a more classic feel to this story. Hope you like it. Reviews welcome.**

Rimmer sat inside Red Dwarfs examination class room on level 4b, he was sitting the Astro Navigation exam for the fifteenth time. He looked down at the four sheets of questions, pages of complex questions all neatly set out before him. He looked up at the clock on the wall monitor, 20 minutes had passed and he had written Arnold on the top of the paper and nothing else.

Hollys image faded into view, replacing the clock. "Alright Arnold, how's it going?" he asked

Rimmer looked up, a scowl spread across his face. "Holly, I am trying to sit a very complex and brain stretching exam here, you interrupting me is not helping. What do you want?"

Hollys face looked vacant for a second and then seemed to recall what it was he wanted.

"There is a message for you Arn, do you want to hear it?"

Rimmer sighed. "This better not be Listers idea of a joke, and your about to pass on the message that I'm a total smeghead."

Holly replied. "No Arnold this is from outside the ship."

Rimmer sat up. "Aliens?" his voice raising in excitement.

Holly rolled his eyes. "No, it's from Ace."

Rimmer slummed back into his seat, what did he want? Lister had told him all about the last time Ace turned up and asked the last hologram version of him to be Ace, If it was this then he could take his floppy hair and frankly smoke his own smegging kipper.

He however resided that he better here what captain fantastic was doing now. "Ok, well I guess I better hear it."

Hollys face faded from view and shortly after was replaced by the chiseled features of Ace Rimmer. The recording began and Aces smooth confidant tones filled the airwaves.

"This is a message for Arnold J Rimmer of the Mining ship Red Dwarf dimension 45565. Arnold, old son I've got into a spot of bother in dimension 32345. I have very little time to explain using quite a lot of power to get this message through to you."

The image seemed to fizzle at this point and then stabilize.

"Listen, it seems that I may have damaged this dimensions time line when I jumped into it, and now I can't seem to leave. That would not be a huge problem apart from I am meant to be having sex in three other dimensions this afternoon. Basically I can't seem to get a fix on any other dimension apart from yours and that signal is too weak to jump too. There is a risk that I might end up spreading my love spuds all over the fourth dimension if I risk it. This is where I need your help, if you could setup an inter-stella micron radio wave that broadcasts your holographic signal I might be able to latch onto it and come through. Look I know you owe me nothing but I need you to come through for me Arn or its kippers for me."

The image of Ace glances down at his watch.

"By my calculations I have got 10 days before the window is shut forever and I am stuck here with the Zillian Sisters!"

The tone in Ace's voice lead Rimmer to deduce that the Zillian sisters were not a pair of lovely ladies but rather a pair you might run and hide from.

Ace continued.

"Look, I know you don't like me, dam when I was you I didn't like me but I've changed and so can you."

'_This was it._' Rimmer thought. '_This was the bit about, you can be me crap_' Well he liked being him and had no plans to change.

The message had continued and Rimmer caught the last word 'Danger'. He called to Holly.

"Err Holly can you play that last bit again please?"

The message did a rapid rewind and restarted.

"Arn, you and the other chaps there are in danger, something is coming something bad. You need to."

The message stopped and the screen went black. Rimmer called Holly.

"Holly, what happened to the rest of the message? Bring it back, play the rest of it."

Holly appeared on the screen. "That's all there is Arnold, it stops mid sentence. Pretty ironic really, him about to tell you what to do, to avoid the impending danger. Now you will never know how to avoid it and live in fear for the rest of your days."

Rimmer snarled at Holly. "I don't need your conjecture, thank you very much Holly."

"Just saying it sounds like its curtains for you mate." Said Holly smugly.

"Actually he said others, not just me, that could include you Holly." Said Rimmer equally as smugly.

Holly thought about it. "Oh yeah, I did not think of that. Oh well I've had a pretty good life can't complain. Do you want me to restart the exam Arnold?"

Rimmer snapped back at him. "NO, can't you see I have more important things to be doing now, for one thing I have to find out what the smeg an Inter-Stella micron radio wave is."

Holly looked pleased. "Oh I can tell you that one, that's easy."

Rimmer sighed. "Holly, if you are about to tell me that an Inter-Stella micron radio wave is your basic radio wave that is a micron with Inter-Sella, then no thanks."

Holly looked surprised. "I though you said you didn't know what one was."

Rimmer got up; leaving his pencils neatly arranged on the desk and walked out shacking his head.

* * *

Lister was in his room, he was using the newly installed VR machine that Kryten had brought on board from Starbug. Rimmer walked in and looked at the pathetic form that stood thumping bits of body in all directions. Rimmer causally went up to the VR console and pressed the shutdown key, he loved his hard light bee it gave him new powers over Lister.

Lister stopped thrusting in all directions and fiddled with the back of the VR helmet and pulled it off his head. He turned and saw Rimmer grinning at him.

"Hey what the smeg did you do that for Rimmer? I was enjoying that VR table tennis."

Rimmer walked over to the table and sat down. "I bet you where Listy, I am surprised you where not going for the world record in groinal thrusts, not sure how that features in table tennis mind you."

Lister detached the rest of the VR hear and walked over to Rimmer. "I'll have you know that I am very good at table tennis."

Rimmer smirked up at him. "Sure Listy, good at table tennis or at inter VR relations, I see your playing that Japanese girl again, the one with the really big bats!"

Lister slumped down onto the chair opposite Rimmer and cracked open a can of larger. "Look man, I don't interfere with your evenings with Rachel so don't interfere with mine. Anyway Holly says you have had a message from Ace."

Rimmers nostrils flared at least twice the normal amount. "Really, that message was private. Holly had no place telling you about it."

Lister carried on. "Well he says that he needs our help, stuck in some sort of dimension and apparently we might be in mortal danger."

"He wanted my help Lister, not yours!" said Rimmer his tone raised a bar or two.

Lister held up his hands. "OK OK chill out man, whatever. Is there anything I can do?"

Rimmer thought about it. "Yes, you can go find Kryten and meet me in the drive room. Ten Minutes, got that?"

Lister stood up and did a mock Rimmer full sault. "Yes Sir, Mr Rimmer Sir!"

Rimmer left the room. As he walked down the corridor he wondered what the smeg he was going to do, he had no ideas, and no ideas when you are facing a smeg load of unknown danger was not good in his books.

* * *

Lister and Kryten walked into the drive room. Kryten immediately turned to Rimmer. "Mr Rimmer, is it true, is Mr Ace in some sort of mortal danger?" his face showing that he had clearly gone into worry mode.

Rimmer sighed. "Do I not get any respect around here, it was my message I should of briefed Kryten."

Kryten looked went from worry to guilty mode. "I'm sorry sir, Mr Lister was insistent that I ask him about the message."

"Whatever, look we need to locate something called an Inter-Stella micron radio transmitter. Do we have one on Red Dwarf?"

"Have you asked Holly?" asked Kryten.

"No, but I guess it's worth a very long shot. Holly, do we have one of these things?" Rimmer asked.

Holly appeared on the monitor. "I've checked all my records, including my junior radio club book and I can confirm that we do not have one."

Rimmer rolled his eyes. "See that is why I didn't bother, we are still stuck millions of years in space with a useless computer."

Lister who was now sitting across the room drinking some sort of curry coffee had an idea. "What about scanning the records from the last ships we encountered on Starbug, maybe there was one of these things on board one of them."

"Good idea Mr Lister." Said Kryten. "Holly can you do a cross check against the Starbug log please?" said Kryten.

Holly tutted. "Do I look like a glorified data processing unit?"

Rimmer interjected. "Holly just get on with it!"

Holly receded. "OK, alright hang on a tick, this might take a min."

The three of them stood there while Holly ran the check. Listers patience finally got the better of him. "How long now Holly, it's been twenty minutes?"

Holly reappeared on the screen. "Right got it, our best option of finding this thing is at this location." With that his image was replaced with a region of space and an X marking the spot.

Kryten looked closely at the coordinates. "Holly, are you sure?" he asked his voice slightly showing a nervous strain.

"Yep, 110% Bobs you aunt, Fannys your uncle I am."

Rimmer looked at the screen. "Why, where is it Kryten, what's wrong?"

Kryten checked its internal database, and he was sure he was right. "Sirs, this location is where we encountered Legion."

Lister looked up from his coffee. "What that weird bloke that wanted to kidnap us and treat us in luxury until our dying days. The one that was made up of all four of us?"

Kryten looked worried. "Yep, that very one Sir. But there maybe a way we can avoid the same situation as before."

Rimmer addressed Holly again. "Holly, how far is it to the space research centre from here?"

Hollys image repaired replacing the stella map. "Oh, we are in luck about 6000 clicks away should take about 5 days if we leave straight away on Starbug."

Rimmer looked pleased. "5 days that's excellent that would give us 5 further days to sort out this mess."

Lister held up his hand. "Hang on there space duke, put those space puppies back in the stable. We ain't leaving the Dwarf again, not so soon after we just got it back. Hol, how long if we take Red Dwarf instead?"

Holly did some head banging, and said "Nine days Dave."

Rimmer whistled. "Nine days, that does not give us much time. We have to take the bug."

Lister stood up. "No smegging way man. No one is taking no smegging starbug, we go togther on Red Dwarf. Got it!"

Rimmer looked at Listers face, he wasn't going to budge, but nine days that left them no time. Who was he kidding he didn't even like this Ace smegger, if Lister wanted to endanger himself to rescue him then so be it.

"OK Lister you want to do it that way fine. You help out ace, I have other plans."

A frown crossed Listers brow. "Like what Rimmer?"

Rimmer placed his hands in front of him and rocked on his heels. "I have a very important survey that needs completing. I can't possibly be distracted from it."

"What survey Rimmer?" asked Lister.

"Nothing that you need worry about Lister, now I really must be going." With that he walked about of the drive room.

Lister looked to Kryten and then to Holly. "Hol, do you know what survey he is on about?"

"Beats me Dave, no one tells me anything around here." Said Holly looking rather put out.

"Sir we made very well need Mr Rimmers help with this, from what I understand from Aces instructions we need his holographic bee to complete the signal." Said Kryten.

Lister sighed resolute that he again would have to go once more and get Rimmer to help Ace. "OK Kryters leave Rimmer to me. You and Holly try and get us to that space station."

* * *

Lister found Rimmer in his room. He was re-arranging his sock draw with such precision that it almost scarred Lister.

"Rimmer, why are you such a smeghead?"

Rimmer turned around to see Lister leaning against the doorway. "What Lister?"

Lister went on. "You heard me, you always run away from things and never face up to the moment. Ace really needs you. That's why he sent you the message and not me."

Rimmer closed the draw. "Ace does not need me, anyway if he wants to go swaning around dimensions on a sex tour and getting himself stuck with the Zillion sisters that's his own smegging fault."

Lister went over to the table and chairs in the middle of the room and sat down. "Whatever man, but you and he are the same."

Rimmer snapped. "No Lister we are not. He's out there being all brave and Mr horny pants and I am stuck here with you."

"Yeah, that's true, but you are cut from the same hologram the same original Rimmer. He's almost like your brother."

Rimmers nostrils fleered and Lister thought '_Oh smeg here we go._'

"Let me tell you about my brothers. My brothers did unspeakable things to me. You know once they used me as a stool just so they could reach the Jam on the top shelf. Then when they had that pot they took me outside and buried me up to me neck in sand and smeared Jam all over my face. I still have nightmares about ants."

Lister sighed. "Look man, he's not like that, he's different."

"How Lister, he's just using me to get what he wants. How is that different from them?"

Lister got up and went to the door. "Look man I am just saying if it was you out there in that dimension trapped, I'd help you out." With that he left Rimmer standing looking unsure.

Halfway down the corridor Lister head Rimmer call his name. "Lister, OK I'll help but don't think for a minute this means I like you Listy."

Lister smiled. "Whatever Rimmer whatever."


	2. Visitors

**Thanks for reading**

**Andy**

Rimmer paced the floor of the drive room, beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. "How long now Holly?"

Hollys voice filled the Drive room. "Arnold I am a bit busy right now, I am navigating though a very dangerous region of space. From looking at the logs onboard Starbug you encountered everything from Rouge Simulants to Gelfs in this part of. So if you don't mind could you leave it a little longer than 30 seconds between each request?"

Lister sat at the navigation consoles station and was looking down at the screen that showed their progress. He saw nothing but black space, nothing else so he glanced over at Rimmer pacing.

"Rimmer man, clam down, there is nothing out there, its empty. If there was a Simulant ship out there we would spot it."

Rimmer did not stop but looked over at his ship mate. "Lister, I can assure you that it is not empty and anyway how do you know they have not got a cloaking device."

"Oh yeah, good point." Lister looked back down at the screen, trying to see if he could spot a ship that was invisible, which of course was impossible.

Rimmer passed the view port window and as he glanced out something in the far distance twinkled and caught his eye. "THERE WHAT'S THAT!" he shouted pointing out the window his voice going into hysterics.

Lister searched the screen. "It's nothing, nothings showing up Rimmer." But then a small faint blip appeared at the top left of the screen.

"Oh smeg, there is something there now."

Rimmer called Holly. "Holly what does long range scanners tell us?"

Hollys face appeared on the screen, he looked worried. "Err, it's not good Arn. Anything I can get you, maybe another pair of socks or a mild sedative."

Rimmer stopped pacing and faced Holly. "Holly, stop your raving gibberish and tell us what is it!"

"OK, but you are not going to like it. We have been tracked for sometime now."

Lister butted in. "What, why didn't you tell us Hol?"

"What and spoil the surprise."

Lister watched as the blip move slightly closer to the middle of the screen. "Hol, a nice birthday present or a large stock of extra strength larger is a surprise, but something tracking us is not one you should be keeping from us."

"Well it's been tracking us for four days now." Said Holly.

Kryten who had been busy cleaning the curry coffee stain of the floor looked up. "Four days, oh my."

Rimmer joined Lister at the screen. "So, do we know what it is yet?"

Holly looked down at them. "Well I can tell you what is not likely to be. It is not likely to be a party of Woman's Institute ladies with a range of cakes for afternoon tea."

"Another 40 clicks and it will be in scanning range. I should be also to tell you more then."

Kryten looked up at Holly from his kneeling position on the floor. "How long is that Holly, I am almost done here, only another thirteen super strength cleaning pads and I should have this baby cleaned up!"

Holly frowned and then said. "I'd say about 30mins at the rate they are moving."

The four of them stood round the scanner, the Cat having joined them after getting up from his 2nd mid morning nap.

The approaching blip was almost at the centre of the screen, the Cat pointed at it. "Hey what happens when that thing gets to the middle?"

"We find out who is following us." Replied Kryten.

Holly blipped back onto the screen. "They are now in range for scan. Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

Rimmer placed his fingers to his lips and finally said. "What's the good news Holly?"

"The good news is that we are being followed by a Simulant class 2 gun ship with enough fire power to destroy Red Dwarf in one volley."

Rimmers eyebrows raised. "That's the good news, so what's the bad?"

Holly continued. "Well, judging from the class of ship they could have taken us out at any point in the last 2 days. So I am guessing that they want us alive."

The Cat perked up. "Hey that sounds like good news bud!"

Kryten went into worry mode and started twiddling his left finger nut unconsciously. "No Sir, that is indeed bad news. It means they want us alive to probably kill us in horrible ways."

Lister got up and went to look out the window. The distant star that was the stimulant ship was now a big grey blob. "Not necessarily guys, they might need supplies maybe we can trade." He asked hopefully.

Kryten now paced the room as Rimmer had before "Sir, the only thing Simulants are interested in trading in, is our insides to our outsides!".

Lister held up his hands. "OK calm down everyone, lets open comms and see what these smeggers want. Holly open a channel to them.

"Right'o Dave, communication now open."

"This is Dave Lister of the mining ship Red Dwarf come in please." Lister watched the screen as at first static crackled into life and then the hideous head of a male stimulant grinned into view.

"This is Grizzel, captain of the stimulant ship Breakspeed. You have 30 seconds to shut down your engines and stop your ship." The simulants grin turned into a snarl has he finished the word ship.

Lister took a cigarette from behind his ear and lit up in a very casual way. He took a long drag and then addressed the crazy eyed stimulant on the screen.

"Listen, we know you could have blown us out of space any time in the last two days, but you haven't, so I figure you want something."

Grizzels face changed once more into a grin, his blackened teeth with gaps from past fights showed clearly on the vid screen. "You guessed right Human, we want only to have a little sport with you and your friends."

The Cats face appeared on the simulants screen. "You mean maybe a round of tidily winks? Why that does not sound so bad."

Grizzel turned to someone off camera and began to laugh, a collection of laughs cam back over the feed.

Lister commented. "Oh smeg there is more than one of them."

"Human you have less than 10 seconds to comply or we will open fire. 10….9…..8…..7….6…"

Rimmer found his voice. "What the smeg are we going to do? We are dead if we stop and deader than dead if we don't."

The simulants voice continued its deadly countdown. "4…3…2"

When just as it reached 1 a strange orange glow surrounded the dwarf and slowly dragged it towards the waiting research station.

Lister thumbed the air. "YES, the station, Kryten does this thing have a self defence protocol?"

Kryten was already ahead of him and had logged onto the research stations computer. "Yes I believe it does, activating stations security now."

A series of blue bolts snaked across space and struck the two stimulant torpedoes the Grizzels ships had just launched. This resulted in a two huge explosions."

Lister did a double thump of the air. "Brutal Kryten."

Grizzels face reappeared on the screen. "What is this treachery human?" He then turned and barked off a series of orders to simulants unknown. "Target the stations weapons, full power. DESTROY!!"

Lister and the others watched as the simulants gun ports grew red hot as the weapons charged for the next volley. Then just as it was about to fire a single blue bolt streaked across space and blasted into the simulants ship.

The vid view showed the Grizzel surrounded by fires springing up. He turned one final time to the screen. "Humans know this we will meet again." With that a small escape pod blasted away from the dieing ship away from Red Dwarf and the research station.

Lister slumped back into the chair. "Smeg that was a close one."

He looked around and realised Rimmer was missing. "Hey where is Rimmer?"

They all looked around but Rimmer was nowhere to be found.


	3. Crazy

**Thanks for reading. It's been a tough week, and I have had far to little sleep (one word Baby!). So the adventure continues and please forgive any bad grammer…..**

Rimmer looked around, he appeared to be in a room with clean white walls and no obvious exits. Apart from the white walls, the room appeared to be devoid of all other colour and objects.

Rimmers stood there and tried to think. '_Right Rimmsy remain clam, outside this room is either a hoard of killing machines wanting to do unspeakable things to my nether regions or a mad man with a silver mask that is intend on keeping me locked up forever. Either way it is not good.'_

There was a slow hiss and a door seemed to open from nowhere on the blank wall. Rimmer gulped and waited to see what his afternoon schedule might be. 2pm holowhip sessions for one or 3pm conversations with a mad man. He hoped for the latter.

He waited, but no one appeared. "Hello" he called quietly. No response. He tried again a little louder.

"Hello, anyone there?"

Still no response, what was he meant to do he wondered. He decided he had little option but to see who or what was waiting for him and he took very gingerly taken steps to the door. He poked his head out the door into what he discovered was an empty corridor, decorated in the same white gloss as the room he was in.

At the end of the corridor he could see another door, this one he could see as it was outlined by a dark grey rim. '_Oh well rimmsy better keep going.' _He thought.

He walked slowly down towards the end of the corridor until he reached the door. He was about to push it open but it hissed and it too opened.

'_OK this is freaky.' _He thought. '_It's like someone or thing is watching me.'_

This process of finding doors and having them open kept going until finally they or whoever had led him to a room with a table in it. As Rimmer entered he gulped he realised that he recognised it. The door behind him hissed and he turned as a matter of course, and as he did so he saw him.

In a voice not to unlike his own the person standing in the doorway spoke. "So smeghead how have you been?" said the figure.

Rimmer look over at Rimmer, or at least it looked like Rimmer and sounded like him.

"Err who are you, are you another version of me, a future me maybe?" asked the real Rimmer in hope.

"Well it all gets a bit meta physical. I am you but then I am more than you, for I am also Legion." Said the Legion version of Rimmer.

'_Great' _thought Rimmer '_At least I know what my afternoon now hold and who I am dealing with.'_

Rimmer looked the Legion Rimmer up and down, he was a perfect copy right down to the metal H on his forehead, he two was hard-light blue.

Rimmer realising he was not in quite such immediate danger calmed down but then remembered the others. "What about the others, are they OK? The simulants, they were about to destroy Red Dwarf!"

The Legion Rimmer walked over to the wall and pressed his hand against it again. "Do not fear Mr Rimmer, all is taken care of. As you can see from this vid screen the threat is quite gone."

Rimmer walked up to the screen and indeed it seemed that the simulant ship was all but destroyed while Red Dwarf appeared un-touched.

"I want to talk to them!" Rimmer demanded.

Legion turned away from the vid screen. "Of course." He then pressed another wall panel and the screen changed to show a rather confused and concerned looking Lister, Kryten and the Cat.

Lister spoke first. "Rimmer man, is that you, we thought the Simulants had grabbed you."

Rimmer sighed a relief, at least he was not alone out here, there was still some hope of completing their task.

Krytens face appeared on the screen. "Are you alright Mr Rimmer, is that nice fellow Mr Legion looking after you?"

Rimmer was not as convinced that Mr Legion was nice but he went with it anyway. "Oh yes quite OK thank you very much. I was just catching up with our friend here, isn't that right Legion old buddy.

Legion made himself visible on the vid screen. "Quite so, Kryten, and it is good to see you all again.

Kryten and the others looked at the screen. The Cat was first to comment.

"Wow Wee, there are two Rimmers, how many of this fellow are there?"

Kryten went on to explain. "You see, Legion can only take on the persona of the person inside the station, and at this time that means he is a copy of Mr Rimmer.

Legion nodded on the display but added. "You are correct Kryten, but I am so much more, you see I have access to the stations database and computer directly."

Kryten leaned closer to the screen. "Fascinating."

Lister pushed Kryten aside. "Look enough of the techno babble. Rimmer have you asked Legion about what we need, times running out man we only have 16hrs left."

Rimmer put his hands together much like in prayer with his finger tips resting on his mouth. "Mr Legion kind sir, we were wondering if you had an Inter-stella micron radio transmitter, that we might have?"

Legion seemed to jerk his head as if scanning records then said. "Yes I do indeedee."

Rimmer winched at Legions use of his vocal expressions. "Excellent, can we have one please?"

The Rimmer Legion grinned. "Of course, but what's in it for me?"

Rimmer looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean for providing you with what you need what do I get?" Grinned the Legion Rimmer.

Kryten spoke and Rimmer heard the strains of concern creeping into his circuits. "Be careful Mr Rimmer, remember he has your mind and thoughts. He is as devious as you are sir."

"Err thanks Kryten, I think." Replied Rimmer slightly perturbed at being called devious, and then he turned back to the Legion Rimmer.

"So Legion, what is it that you want and I should warn you Listy has his finger hovered over my remote projection unit. One false move from you me laddieo and its bye bye me and bye bye Legion me, got it?" he stood there hands tightly clutching each other, knowing fall well that Lister was doing no such thing, he prayed he bought it.

"Why, It's simple I want life." Said the Rimmer Legion as calmly as if he had just asked for a double latte.

'_Dam I knew it, he wants to turn me into his kept pet, before you know it I will be walking around on a black studded leash._' Thought Rimmer.

Legion continued. "Since the moment you and your ship mates left me before I have not existed. This is not acceptable, I want more."

Rimmers nostrils flared. "Well, you can't have it, got that. I am not hanging around this place forever just to have you greet me each smegging morning."

The Legion Rimmer made no move other than to say. "Then we have no deal."

'_Dam_' thought Rimmer. '_Blown it._'

Listers voice broke the airwaves. "Hang on a tick guys, didn't you say Kryten that there might be a way to solve this problem?"

Kryten nodded. "Indeed there might, but I need access to the stations files to check my theory first and I fear we don't have time to wait for my results. I implore you Mr Legion to trust us and give Mr Rimmer what he needs."

Rimmer cut in. "Look Legion we have two options as I see it. We do a runner and leave you with nothing again or you help us and we promise to work on this idea Kryten has up his sleeve."

On the vid screen a worried looking Kryten could be seen attempting to look up his own non sleeved mechinoid arms. Then quickly realising that Mr Rimmer was using a metaphor began to look embarrassed.

Legion Rimmer thought for a second he adopted one of Rimmers own thinking posses.

"I see our dilemma and I have decided to help you and let the mechoniod known as Kryten follow up his plan.

Lister back in Red Dwarfs drive room sighed with releif. "Smeg yes. We are back in the game."

Kryten addressed them all. "Indeed sirs, I suggest you waste no time Mr Rimmer in starting to retrieve the device and get it set up, while I work on a way for Legion to survive without Mr Rimmer remaining a guest forever."

The Vid screen went blank and Rimmer and Rimmer stood alone in the white gleaming room.

Rimmer looked over at Rimmer. "So, any idea where this device is then?"

Legion Rimmer brought up a map of the stations interior. "I believe we will find what we need here." He said pointing to a small room some distance from their position.

"Well then we better go get it then. Lead on Mac Duff." Said Rimmer who was actually kinda stating to enjoy this.

The two of then left the room.


	4. Tied up

**Sorry it's taken a while, the next capture is almost done, in the mean time something for the Ace Rimmer fans. Thanks for reading.**

Dimension 32345 – Inside a small dwelling.

Ace Rimmer slowly opened his eyes, he already new that his arms where tied to something and now he could see he was spread eagle, arms and legs tied to the posts of a bed. '_Dam_' he thought as he noticed his flight suit has been ripped open which revealed his muscled hologram chest. He looked around at the sparkly furnished room, finally resting his eyes on the door as he watched two figures walk through.

"Arrhh the lovely Zillion sisters, back so soon. Oh I see you have found your Femenon oil." A slight tone of worry creeping into his voice.

The sisters slithered over to his bed side. "Acceee Rimmer, how weeve waited sooo long for thissss moment." Behind the two of them Ace noticed the poster of him in his best flight suite, a long forgotten flight academy promotional photo.

In his home Dimension the two sisters, known as the Zillion pair had been two very famous models and an afternoon tied to a bed with those two, would have been buckets of fun. But in this dimension something had gone differently. They were still models but now they could do a kill line in snake skin outfits. Best as Ace could figure it, at some point in this dimensions history an evolutionary choice had been made and instead of man evolving from primates here they evolved from snakes. Ace looked at the top half of the sisters which looked like two lovely 20 something human females but the waist down was a hole other matter. There scaly torso slithered up to ace.

Ace looked up at the two of them. He had been in worse scrapes before that was for sure.

"Aceeee tell ussss the code to your ship and we won't do thingsssss to your body that we personally invented."

"Oh come on now ladies, can't we be sensible about this? Let's talk this over and if there is time maybe some gentle foreplay." Asked Ace with a look of hope on his face.

The two leaned closer, with menacing looks.

"No huh" and with that Ace, flicked his head and made his hair flob over to the side. "Look, sorry ladies but no can do."

The sisters moved closer and Ace saw his chance, he bounced his body on the bed, and in one movement flipped over onto his front. He then looped the bonds off there hook and stood up on the bed.

Ace stood up on the bed and looked down at the two slithering beauties. "Look, I'd love to stay and play ladies, but, err I've go to go wash my hair." He turned and crashed through the window and out into the cold night air.

Outside Ace called his ships computer, with tad of urgency in his voice. "Computer, can you hear me old girl?"

The soothing tones of Aces female computer filled the air. "Yes Ace, I can hear you. Are you OK? I was worried."

Ace pulled his tattered shirt around him. "Stiff upper modem old girl, I am OK but I could do with a needle and thread, I am down another jacket."

"OK Ace, and Ace." Replied the computer, whose tones clearly revealed she was besotted with him.

"Yes computer?" replied Ace

"I love you."

"I know old girl. Now meet me at the rendezvous point." Ace set off at as fast as his legs could carry him.


	5. Two become one

**Another chapter brings Rimmer closer to his goal! Reviews allways welcomed but be nice its nearly Christmas after all.**

A small escape pod approaches one of the stations docking ports. Too small for the station to detect at first but now as it made it's way inside the stations systems sounded a warning.

Rimmer heard the siren. "Smeg, what's that? What's going on?"

Legion touched another blank wall and a control screen appeared.

Rimmer looked at the Legion Rimmer. "How do you do that?"

"Simple Mr Rimmer, I am linked to the stations computer system I can control and access all systems." Smiled the Legion Rimmer.

"So what's all this noise about then clever clogs?" snapped Rimmer.

Legion inspected the screen, and then turned back to Rimmer. "It appears I have another guest. I will have to go and great them. If you will excuse me Mr Rimmer." He made to turn and leave.

"Hang on, who has arrived?" Asked Rimmer.

Legion turned back to him. "I am not sure, but we will know soon enough." With that he turned once more and stepped through a door.

Rimmer shouted at him. "Hang the smeg on a minute what about the device I need!"

Legion called back "Oh it is not far, I have transmitted it's location to your fellow crew mates, they should be able to guide you. I will join you again soon." Legion pressed another wall panel and disappeared into the wall space.

'_Smeg, what am I going to do now?' _thought Rimmer but then Krytens voice filled his head.

"Sir, can you hear me, Mr Rimmer sir! I have taken the liberty of tuning into your hologram audio feed"

"Yes Kryten loud and clear, do you mind not shouting. It's like having a news reporter in my head at full volume." Sighed Rimmer.

Kryten continued. "Sorry sir, hard to know how loud to talk on this thing. Is that better?"

"Much. Did you get the data from Legion?" Asked Rimmer.

"Yes. I have been examining it and you need to continue down this corridor and make a left turn at the next junction, then a right and then straight and then…"

Rimmer interrupted him. "Hang on a second captain sat nav. That's way to fast, just tell me when I get to a change in direction. OK?"

"OK." Replied Kryten.

Lister leaned over and spoke into the microphone in as angelic sounding voice as he could, trying hard not to snigger at the same time. "This is the voice of you inner angle. Why don't you give Lister all he wants, including two evenings a week with Kochanski's hologram."

Rimmers reply was short and sweet. "Smeg off Lister!" and with that Rimmer set off.

* * *

On the other side of the station an escape pod door hissed open and from inside stepped out one of the universes least favourite creations, Grizzle the simulant.

He looked around and took one look at the waiting Rimmer Legion and raised his gun. Atoms of hard-light hologram split the station air as the hard-light bee exploded. Grizzel stepped fully out of the pod and grinned.

Legion was not familiar with simulant greetings and decided that before he manifested himself again before this new individual he would do some research. He found what he needed from the escape capsules log. '_Interesting_' thought Legion. '_Most interesting indeed.'_

* * *

Rimmer went down another corridor. "Are you sure it's this way?" he questioned, having gone what appeared to be half way around the ship. A door slid open behind him and a voice greeted him.

"Mr Rimmer, how goes your hunt?"

Rimmer turned to greet Legion, but something was wrong. The Legion Rimmer voice was now more husky. He looked the figure up and down and gulped. Back were the mask and the gold suite covering Legions body. He knew what this meant, Legion had taken on a second personality, but who's.

Rimmer addressed him. "Legion, what's happening who came aboard?"

Legion stood there he was fighting an internal battle. He wanted so much to stride the gap between them and rip Rimmers head off his shoulders, but he was not 100% clear why.

"A new individual has joined us, one I have not met before."

Rimmer noticed Legions hands seemed to be clenching, as if he was struggling with something.

"Err so who was it?" he asked nervously.

Legion grinned, not that Rimmer could see it. It was a new sensation to him. It was an evil grin. "Oh I think you have had the pleasure of meeting my newest guest before Mr Rimmer. His name is Grizzle."

Rimmer froze, terror taking over his body. Then a voice inside his head spoke, this time it was Listers.

"Rimmer man, we heard everything. Somehow Grizzel survived the attack and has doubled back to the station. You have to get away from Legion NOW! There is no knowing what is going on in that sick head of his. He's got your sick mind and the mind of a psychotic killing machine. Which ever way you look at it man, its brown trousers time."

Rimmer saw Legion starting to approach and slowly edged backwards himself. "So, where is Grizzel now, is he with you?"

"No, my sensors tell me he is investigating the other side of the station, for now I have him quite contained." Replied Legion, still coming close.

"Oh good, and your plans now?" asked the nervous still retreating Rimmer.

Legion grinned again. "I thought we might have a spot of torture the hologram time Mr Rimmer?"

That was it, his legs took over and he turned and ran. As he did so he heard the chilling voice of the new Legion call out.

"You can't run Mr Rimmer, I know every inch of this station. Remember I can detect you using the main computer. It is simply a matter of time before I find you. I am dying to try out some of these new wonderful ideas my new friend has given me."

Rimmer glanced over his shoulder trying to judge how much distance he had gained between him and the new version of Legion. He was doing well, Legion was mealy walking while Rimmer was at full pelt. He shouted at the others via the link while he still ran.

"OK, so what the smeg just happened people?" he said between breaths.

Krytens voice came through. "Sir, it seems that the stimulant captain own traits have been added to Legions. I suggest you engage full panic mode sir."

Rimmers sarcastic tone came back. "OH really, thanks for that useful advice Kryten. Now what the smeg do we do now? How the smeg do I hide from someone that knows every inch of this station?

Kryten tapped furiously at his keyboard, he was searching the system for some strand of hope. "Got something." He shouted in excitement.

"WHAT!" Rimmer screamed back at him, his legs tiring now.

"Sir, go 100 meters down the corridor and you should see a small vent." Kryten said.

Rimmer ran on, he skidded to a halt when he saw the small grill in front of him. "Found it. Now what?"

"You need to open it and crawl inside. It seems that the stations sensors do not extend to the ventilation shafts." Replied Kryten his voice urging Rimmer on.

Rimmer scathed in frustration. "How! I am not exactly equipped with a screw driver set you know."

Lister spoke up. "Calm down Rimmer, I used to stash stuff in the vents all the time. You need to kick the top corner then the bottom corner and then the middle and bingo you're in."

Rimmer could not believe what he was hearing but he had little choice. He repeated the instructions as each kick landed.

"Top" WHACK

"Bottom" WHACK

"Middle" WHACK which was followed by a dull thud as the grill dropped away.

He stood there looking at the new hole. '_Wow, it actually worked._' He squeezed inside and replaced the grill behind him. "OK, I am inside now what."

Kryten spoke. "Excellent, now you need to keep heading down the shaft. According to the map, you won't have to go far."

Rimmer began shuffling along the tight metal squared shaft. Its smooth metal surface proved difficult to move at any speed, and it was getting darker as the light from the grill was blocked by his body. "You know I can't see a dam thing in here, are you sure this is the right way?"

Kryten went into lie mode. "Of course, just keep going."

Soon Rimmer found himself at a T-junction. "Which way?"

Kryten looked at the station map that Legion had downloaded to them and took a guess. "Left sir."

Rimmer crawled left and immediately regretted it. His legs fell from under him and he found himself hanging by his finger tips over a downward sloping shaft. "Arrrhhhhh, Kryten you ding bat, I'm going to die."

Kryten re-checked the map and he quickly found his mistake. "Oh, spin my nipple nuts. Sir you should have taken a right."

"Clearly, I know that now Kryten. Why oh why do they make these places so small. Don't they know that some space adventure will end up crawling around them. You would have thought they would have put signs up or something by now. You know like _SAFETY THIS WAY _and _CERTAIN DEATH THAT WAY_" Finally the strength in his finger tips gave way and he slid and slithered down the shaft screaming. Then after what for Rimmer was a record breaking scream he went silent.

Lister called out to him. "Rimmer man are you ok? Rimmer!"

A small squeaky voice came back. "I'm OK, just a bit winded."

Kryten double checked the map and could not believe it. "Sir, if you take the next right and the left you should be above the location with the device."

Rimmer sighed. "You better be right Kryten, or I will feed your groinal attachment into the garbage press."

He crawled on, and after a short while found the correct grill. He kicked, once, twice and on the third try it gave way sending it to the floor below with a clatter. He swung his legs out over the edge and then followed the grill to the floor below.

"Right, anyone know what this thing looks like?" asked Rimmer.

"I do." Replied a voice behind him.

Rimmer gulped and turned to see Legion holding a small device.

"I believe this is what you are looking for." Said Legion with a bit much menacing glee for Rimmers liking.

"Err Legion how about you pass that over here old chum?"

"I don't think so Mr Rimmer, I think I shall destroy it." Legion said, his grip on the device tightening.

Rimmer whispered under his breath to the crew back on Red Dwarf. "Guys, what the smeg do I do?"

Lister and Kryten looked at each other, neither had any bright ideas. Lister looked up at Holly. "Any plans Holly?"

Holly thought, and for the second time in as many weeks he had another idea. "Yes Dave, actually I have."

Lister looked almost shocked. "Really, what?"

Hollys face looked down at them. "Well Dave, I suggest two things. One, try slipping him a ball of wool or two shout really loud in the hope he runs away in fear."

Cat who had been lurking on the other side of the drive room perked up at this suggestion. "You have balls of wool? Why did no one tell me. Aowwwww I love them little fellers."

Lister held his head in his hands.

Kryten started routing though the ships database, finding what he was looking for he looked up. "Actually I think Hollys idea is brilliant."

Holly looked surprised. "It is? I mean of course it is."

Kryten continued. "If we send out a sub wave sound local to Rimmer it should disable Legion long enough for Mr Rimmer to as Holly suggests, leg it."

Kryten looked pleased with himself. "I think its our best shot."

Lister looked over to Kryten. "Do it man." At which Kryten began typing in a series of commands and then hit the transmit button.

Rimmer had heard some of the conversation back in Red Dwarf. "You are going to do wh…" but before he could finish his mouth opened wide and a piercing sound began to emit from it. Legion dropped the device and clamped his hands over his ears, clearly in some distress.

Rimmer bent down and grabbed the device, he then ran past the groaning and thrashing Legion and out into the corridor, all the time still emitting the waling noise from his open mouth.

Outside the room, and half way down the corridor he stopped making the sound. A small squeaky voice came over the radio. "Thanks guys, now what? How do I use this device?"

"Hey what happened to Goal Post heads voice, he sounds like my favourite movie star. Mini Mouse." The Cat said, with a far off gaze on his face.

Kryten looked worried. "Err, I think we might have broken Mr Rimmer voice unit. We won't be able do that to Legion again if he catches up with him again."

"Well we better get him out of there. Rimmer man, according to the map legion gave us you should find a cargo bay about two floors down. It's a long shot man but there might be a teleport pad down there."

Kryten shot out a series of directions to Rimmer who began to follow them, dashing down the two flights of stars to the cargo hold. Just as he was about to open the door to the hold a thought struck him.

"Err guys, we have seen Legion and we know that he has Grizzels personality, which means." He opened the door and his face sank quicker than the titanic on speed. He finished his sentence. "Which means Grizzel is somewhere and I think I have just found him."

Rimmer looked on as Grizzel grinned at him, his gun hanging loose in his hand and clearly the remains of what was once a teleport beside him. It was now looking more like the charred remains of a badly executed barbeque. Rimmer spun round and headed back into the stair well, behind him he heard a click as Grizzel loaded his weapon and let a volley off after his retreating form.

"Smeg, guys I am in trouble here, Grizzels just destroyed the teleport." Said Rimmer in a very high pitched panicky voice.

Lister and Kryten scanned the map data. Lister pointed to an area of the map and Kryten nodded.

"Rimmer man, you are going to have to activate the device from there, there is no time to get over to you in Starbug and bring you back. According to Holly we have less than 30 minutes left until Ace is stuck."

"OK but how, I don't know the first thing about inter-stella micron radio wave thing-a-me bobs." Said Rimmer still hurtling himself down the stairs.

Above him, Grizzel had started to descend the stair way and occasionally a mad cackle would break the air along with another downward volley of gun fire.

"Sir, take the next floor exit and then you are looking for a room marked Science station 14B." said Kryten who by now was beginning to think he would have to change his own voice circuit as all the stress had lead to him talking in a more high pitched voice also.

Rimmer burst into the Science room. "OK I'm here, what now."

"You are looking for a power outlet unit, standard Y socket type." Said Kryten.

Rimmer scanned the room, nothing looked like a Y socket type adaptor. "What does this smegger look like Kryten?"

"Sir it's like two fingers in a v shape on a lead." Replied Kryten.

Rimmer looked over the nearest desk, he had not seen it the first time but there it was in mocking two finger salute gesture. "Got it, now what?"

"Sir, I believe there will be a socket on the side of the device, plug it in and stand back." Said Kryten a slight worried tone creeping into his voice.

"Why, what's this going to do?" asked Rimmer but then he stopped and turned around. He had heard a sound coming from the corridor.

"Mr Rimmer, do come out and play. I have a nice double bolt blaster here for you to play with." Came the voice, that could only belong to one person. Grizzel slowly walked up the corridor towards the open door of the science station.

"Smeg, he's found me!" whispered Rimmer.

Lister urgently spoke. "Rimmer man, plug the smegger in man, just do it."

Rimmer didn't have time to stop and think what if, if he had he might have wondered why he should stand back, or why he should of not just climbed into one of the small cupboards scattered around the room. Instead he plugged the inter-stella micron radio wave device into the socket.


	6. Zillion Sisters

**Always fun to write Ace, and here we are almost done with another story. But I feel this chapter leaves things nicely, just in case the Christmas Break takes over and I don't get time to write the sum up bit. Thanks to all for your reviews and motivation, keep them coming (grin). **

Dimension 32345 - A landing strip not far from two very annoyed sisters house.

Ace Rimmer climbed into the cockpit of his Dimension Jumping space craft. The hatch above his head began to seal shut and the on board computer greeted him.

"Ace, are you OK? I've been worried."

Ace pressed a few of the console buttons and did his harness buckle up. "Takes more than a couple of gorgeous snake ladies to smoke this kipper old girl. Are the pre-checks complete computer?"

"All complete Ace, but the dimension restriction is still in place. I still can not lock on to any other dimension." Said the worried sounding ships female computer.

"Don't worry old thing, Arn will come through for us, how long before we are stuck here for good." His voice betrayed maybe a tad of his own worry. Worry that he had placed so much responsibility on the shoulders Arnold J. Rimmer, but he knew what that man was capable of.

"10 minutes and counting Ace." Said the computer, still sounding a little too distracted by the man sitting in the cockpit.

"Hmm 10 mins hey, going to be close. Oh well, guess I might have to scrub up on my snake female physiology after all."

"Ace, I am detecting two life forms approaching our position."

Ace glanced over his shoulder and saw two figures slithering over the ground towards them. "That will be the Zillion sisters, probably here to give us a send off. Bet their not to happy about me spoiling their afternoon plans. Best get this kite into the big black old girl."

Aces craft slowly began to lift off the ground, and as it got higher and higher two figures waved furiously at him from below. Ace looked down at them, flicked on the ships loud speaker and waved a final salute. "Smoke me a kipper ladies, I'll be back for breakfast." He then turned his attention back to the computer.

"Right any word on that signal yet computer?" asked Ace.

"No, I will put us into outer orbit just in case the planet is blocking the transmission."

"Good thinking old girl, take us up." Replied Ace as he scanned the frequency himself.

As the craft reached the outer orbit a small light began to flash on Aces dash board. "Ace, it's him I have a lock on his dimension." Said the relieved sounding computer.

Ace flicked his hair over and grinned. "30 seconds to spare, plenty of time. Let's get this baby out of here, engage Dimension drive."

The computer counted down. "5…4…3….2…1.... Engaging dimension drive."

Aces craft disappeared from the Zillion sisters reality and popped into Arnold J. Rimmers. Out of the window he could see the huge hulk of Red Dwarf and the only just slightly smaller space station that he recognised as playing host to the creation called Legion.

His computer broke his thoughts. "Ace, the Rimmer of this Dimension is in trouble. I am detecting that he is in close proximity to a stimulant and another life form which according to my readings is part stimulant and part hologram."

"Dam, the crazy fool has gone and got himself in a spot of bother, well best not be rude and invite myself to the party. Take her in to that docking port old girl, I'm going in.

"Be careful Ace."

"You know me old girl, always am." Replied Ace slipping his favourite revolver into his new jacket pocket.

* * *

Rimmer was aware that he was still in the room, but he could not move. A strange green light had surrounded him as soon as he plugged the device in. He could just about move his eyes, and glanced left. He noticed that Grizzle had entered the room, but seemed unable or not willing to approach the green glow.

"Guys can you hear me?" said Rimmer.

A faint crackle then a voice, yes he could here a voice.

"Arn, is that you? Are you ok? You sound like you have started up a Chip Munk tribute band!" said the voice.

Rimmer, realised his voice must still sound high pitched and tried to lower it, talking as gruffly as he could. He new that voice, and for once he didn't want it to go away he wanted it to be him.

"Ace, is that you?" asked Rimmer, in now a much deeper tone, but still not quite his normal nasally one.

"If you mean, the 110% gorgeous man hunk that's me, then yes. Listen, I know you are in a spot of bother, Ill be there in two shakes of a Hungarian yaks tail." Replied Ace.

Rimmer sighed and thought. '_yep it's him, 110% git-ness' _

"Well hurry up, I don't know when this force field thingy is going to end and Mr Grizzle here wants to play flick my love spuds with a hot poker."

Ace jumped down from his cockpit and dashed across the flight deck, as he reached the door it slid open and a figure greeted him.

"Mr Ace Rimmer I believe, how nice to have this chance of Kil…" but before Legion could finish his death greeting Ace punched him in his crown jewels.

Legion doubled over and thought. 'Ohhh that's what that feels like.'

As Ace swept past the bent over Legion he knocked Legions mask away. "Sorry, no time for introductions and all that got to dash." And with that he disappeared up the stairway,

* * *

Back in science lab 14b Rimmer watched with horror as the green glow started to fade, he was not sure if he was more worried about the green fading or the hideous smile creeping across Grizzles face.

Grizzle slowly made his way over to the still unable to move Rimmer and waited. '_Soon I would have my fun._' He looked the fearful Rimmer up and down. "So scum, how would you like to die? I am thinking painfully and slowly."

The light finally faded and Rimmer stood unable to move with Grizzle now running his hand slowly down his face. "Such a pretty face, so un-scared. I always like to start with a blank canvas."

Rimmer finally found his voice and let out a shout. "HEEEELLPPPPP"

Grizzle smiled. "That's it my pretty, you scream and I'll help if you like." He then produced a rather rusty looking blade from his belt and ran it down Rimmers face.

Rimmer was shacking. "You can't hurt me with that; I am a hologram only holo-weapons work."

Something told Rimmer that Grizzle knew this; maybe it was the huge grin creeping across Grizzles face and that told him that maybe he should not have pointed this fact out.

Grizzle flicked a switch on the blades handle which sent a blue glow up the blades edge.

Rimmer gulped. "Oh, I see it has a nice holo-knife option, that's nice."

Grizzle moved the knife down to Rimmers neck. "If I was you I would not make any more helpful suggestions my pretty."

Rimmer was about to agree when he noticed a figure enter the room, his attitude suddenly took on a more confident tone. "Oh, I am not so sure, maybe you might like to take me apart atom by holographic atom, or maybe teleport me into space and watch me drift around for a bit."

He paused and thought for a second then added. "Or wait how about you and I sit down for a nice game or tidily winks."

Grizzles grin, turned to a frown. "You are mighty talkative for a man about to be tortured for the next four years."

Rimmer even grinned. "Actually I think you should just go back to your little ship and maybe have a shower, because you stink something bad!"

Grizzle sniffed at his arm pit. "I like that smell, anyway enough talk. Time to feel pain Mr Rimmer." Grizzel pushed the knife a little harder into Rimmers neck but before he could finish his move, his eyes rolled up into his head and his face took on a shocked expression, then he fell backwards.

Behind the laid out corpse of Grizzle stood the smiling Ace Rimmer who was holding his trusty revolver.

Rimmer turned to Ace and glared. "WHAT THE SMEG TOOK YOU SO LONG! Could you not see I was in mortal danger?"

Ace strolled over to Rimmer and slapped him on the shoulder. "Oh don't we such a wet fart Arn. I had him covered the whole time, just wanted to see how it played out."

Rimmers nostrils flared. "See how it played out! What did you think this was, a Shakespeare play. Or maybe Saturday night at the movies, bring any pop corn did you?"

"Come on now Arn, all worked out in the end." Said Ace still smirking.

"Well, we better get out of here before the other mad fellow turns up." Said Rimmer.

"You mean me." Replied a voice from the doorway.

In the doorway to the lab stood a gold version of the Rimmers. Only unlike the previous version this version now had flowing golden hair and a particular way of standing, as if he was sure of himself. All traits of the simulant seemed to have disappeared

"Legion isn't it." Said Ace sticking out his hand and shacking Legions firmly. "Sorry about earlier, all part of the job." He noticed that Legion too had a pretty firm hand shake.

"You are correct I am he." Replied the even tones of Legion.

Ace looked Legion up and down. "Dam fine looks you've got there, but we've got to be going Legion old feller."

Legion placed his hands on his hips and did not move. "I don't think so; I believe Mr Rimmer and I had a bargain. I helped him and he now owes me."

Ace looked over to Rimmer. "Oh I see. So what's the caper Arn?"

Rimmer started to look worried. "He wants more life, he wants to exist once we are gone."

"Right, life, source of all the fun and all that, completely understand old man." Said Ace walking around the room.

At this point Rimmer heard Kryten in his head again. "Sir Mr Rimmer Sir!"

"Yes what is it?" said Rimmer.

Ace looked over at him. "Something up Arn?"

"Oh, nothing just a bunch of space monkeys using my audio link to communicate with me." Replied Rimmer.

"Sir, I need to talk to Ace." Said Kryten.

Rimmer looked over to Legion, still standing blocking the doorway. "Legion, can we talk to the others, Kryten has something for us."

Legion moved to press his hand on another blank wall, and the image of Kryten squared features appeared on the screen.

"Arrhh there you are and I see you have Ace with you, good to see you sir." Said Kryten.

Ace walked over to the screen. "Kryters old friend, how goes it?"

Kryten looked pleased at Ace Remembering him. "It goes very well sir, apart from the dire situation you appear to be in right now."

Ace flicked his hair and smiled. "Oh this, nothing we can sort this out over tea and cake. Is Skipper there with you?"

Kryten Lent back and a second face joined him on the screen. "Ace, good to see you again, how you doing?"

"Me, fine, actually better than fine, but there will be time later for catch ups, let's get this sorted first huh." Said Ace.

Lister sat back and wondered if this was the same Arnold J Rimmer that had left him so many years ago.

Kryten leaned into fall view again. "Sirs, I have an idea for helping Mr Legion."

Rimmer cut in. "OK, lets here it then, time is ticking and I am going to miss my 4'o'clock foot socking if we are not quick."

Ace looked over at Rimmer and gave him a look of utter un-belief, he thought. '_Could this really be him before it all changed? Before had become Ace._'

Kryten continued. "Well, I fear one of our party is not going to like it. Legion can not leave the station because it seems his physical form is part of the stations systems. This means that he needs at least one of us to remain."

Rimmer looked exasperated. "We know all this Captain bog bot, what about it?"

Ace chipped in. "Now hang on a min Arn, let the mech finish first."

Kryten continued. "Thank you sir, well as I was saying, Legion needs life to support him existing, but what if we used the essence of the Rimmer's hologram data and combine it with the VR suite."

Ace thought it over. "Fine plan Kryten, by linking the data stream and cross feeding it back into the VR terminal we might be able to create a space and time that Legion can exist in. "

Lister cut in, his voice sounding urgent. "Hang on a min Kryters. That's my escape, my way to stay sane. You can't take the VR away from me. What about Zero G table tennis, I've almost completed that game."

Rimmer smirked. "You mean you have almost bedded every single contestant in it Lister."

Kryten glared at the two of them, which considering they where separated by a vid link was no mean task. "If you have quite finished sirs, I will continue."

The two looked slightly sheepish and remained silent allowing Kryten to continue.

"There is a spare VR console on Starbug, if you remember we only moved one onto Red Dwarf. I suggest we use that one."

"Good plan Kryten. We should have that unit up and running in no time." Ace turned to Legion. "What do you say Legion sound like a plan?" His normal amount of super optimism and charm oozing from his voice.

"I am happy to report that I accept your proposal but you must remain here until the transfer process is complete." Said Legion.

Ace raised an eyebrow. '_Dam'_ he thought. '_Not going to make that afternoon sex session in dimension 4553 after all.'_He turned to Rimmer. "Well Arn, what you reckon, sound like a plan?"

Rimmer looked confused. "Yeah, I guess." He replied, with a little less enthusiasm that Ace would have liked.

Legion stood next to the VR console, he placed the VR headset on his temple and looked at the two Rimmers. "Well, it has been a pleasure but I am eager to explore this new experience."

Ace tapped a few commands into the keyboard. "OK old chap all about ready. Data transfer in 3…2…1."

The two Rimmers watched as Legions form faded until there was nothing left and the headset dropped to the floor with a clatter.

Ace tapped another series of commands and the screen in front of them burst into life with a scene showing four young ladies walking down a garden path, chatting to each other.

The older of the four spoke to the others "Why I do dare say this is one of the most splendid days we have had so far ladies."

"Why yes mamma, I do believe it is the most splendid of splendid days, what do you think Miss Kitty?" said another of the four.

Miss Kitty was gazing at the new stranger that had appeared on the path. "Why look mamma a gentleman has appeared, look there!" She pointed to the stranger now walking slowly towards them in full top hat and tails. His face was covered in a silver mask.

He greeted them all in turn and they turned and walked arm in arm with the ladies giggling at some wit he was telling them as they walked away down the path.

Ace looked at Rimmer. "Right then, that's that then. How about some breakfast, I'm famished?"

Rimmer grinned. "As long as it's not smegging kippers I don't mind."


	7. Goodbyes

**Onboard Red Dwarf – The morning after the day before.**

Rimmer sat on the end of his bed. He was secretly feeling quite pleased with himself, after all he had just rescued his other self from some or other dimension where he had been trapped and as Ace had put it, with two very slippery ladies. He put down his telegraph pole album and went over the wash basin. He looked at himself in the mirror and did his best to mimic Ace's tones. "Errr, got to dash, something big and hairy needs my attention. Oh wait that's my butt." Rimmer sniggered at his own little joke. He had not noticed Ace walk in behind him.

"Arn, mind if I come in." Said Ace standing in the entrance to the room.

Rimmer span round and put his hands behind his back. "Oh just doing some morning warm up vocals. "La La La … La … La… Me… Me … Me.."

Ace stopped him. "It's Ok Arn, I know what it's like to be you."

Rimmer looked at Ace and wondered how this person standing infront of him with an air of confidence and grace could ever understand him. "Really, well in that case you know that I have some very important things that need doing and if you don't mind I must be getting on with them." Rimmer started to walk across the room to the door.

Ace smiled. "Sure Arn, but before you go, I just wanted to say thank you."

Rimmer stopped his march across the floor. "For what?"

"You know, the whole risking you life bit you did back there. I am not sure I could have done it back in my day." Said Ace looking slightly pained at the memory.

"Really?" said Rimmer. "Well, it was nothing, but next time, could you maybe do the blasting of the horrible simulant first, rather than watching me skirm."

Ace grinned. "All part of your training Arn."

Rimmer thought. _'Oh god, here we go. The wanting me to take over the Ace role spill.'_

"Look, I am sure you enjoy prancing around other dimensions, having sex with frankly far too many gorgeous women and generally being liked, but that's not for me." Said Rimmer as frankly as he could, even though the thought of all that sex was rather distracting, he made a mental note to get his puncher repair kit out.

Ace realised what Rimmer was thinking and held up his hands. "Hey no, look here old chum, I am not ready to quit this life just yet. No I was just moving you up the ladder so to speak."

"Well thanks but I prefer to stay down here at my level thank you very much."

"Ok Arn but one day I may be back." Said Ace.

Rimmer looked at him and said with total conviction. "And on the day my friend I will be hiding in the smallest darkest place I can find."

Ace sighed and gave up. "Well thanks anyway, I am going to be leaving soon, have you seen Skipper?"

"I think he said he was going to be up on B deck, something about checking out a tomato stash." Said Rimmer with an air of a man who didn't really care.

"Thanks." And with that Ace walked out of the room in search of Lister.

* * *

Ace found Lister not on B deck but in on of the memorial pods on the side of the ship. He was just coming out and Lister had almost bumped head long into Ace.

"OH Ace hi, I was, errr, just, you know." Said Lister avoiding Aces eyes.

Ace glanced over his shoulder and noticed the small stone with her name written on it. "When did it happen?" he asked.

"Kryten broke the news to me a few of months back. I was pretty cutup man, she was my world, my reason to live." Said Lister looking up with a tear in his eye.

"Sorry to hear that, how did you cope?" asked Ace.

"You know, the normal smegged up way I normally cope, I took to the bottle for a bit, slobbed about and was a general bum."

Ace grinned and without realising it his tone changed back to the way it was before he took on the role of Ace. "Lister you where always a bit of space bum."

Lister looked at Ace, studying his features. "Rimmer man is that you? I thought it was but you have a pretty good act going."

"Act, well it might have been at first but these days I'm a changed man Listy. Oh at first there were a few problems and I did a fair bit of running, but slowly I was shown the light and well here I am today." Said Ace grinning.

Lister smiled. "I hear you were pretty smegging cool back there. You have come along way Rimmer."

The two of them walked down the corridor towards the turbo list shaft. As they waited for the lift Lister asked the question Ace Rimmer knew was coming.

"So are you staying?" said Lister looking hopeful.

"Sorry Listy, there are allot of dimensions out there and a lot of people depend on me now." Said Ace resting his hand on Listers shoulder.

The two stepped into the lift. "It's OK man, I understand." Said Lister.

"Anyway you have the other me to look after you now." Said Ace his grin widening.

"What, goal post head. He's like you were but on steroids." Said Lister winching.

Ace thought for a second and then spoke. "Goal post head he might be, but he's me and in there somewhere is another Ace waiting to bloom."

The lift arrived at its destination and the two walked out towards the drive room. "Well, if there is any Ace in this Rimmer, we are going to need a pretty big spade to dig it out."

The both smiled and carried on down the corridor towards the drive room. Inside they found Kryten, Cat and Rimmer with Holly on the screen.

Ace resumed his normal Ace role and breezed into the room. "OK Chaps, just been telling skipper here that I have to be off into the big black again."

Kryten looked disappointed. "Sir, so soon, I was hoping we could catch up on my piano lessons."

"Sorry Kryten, another time old friend."

He walked over and shook each of them by the hand. "Cat, stay sharp." The Cat grinned. "Kryten, didn't know how your bako foil stock is these days, but I have left two of my jackets in the mess. " Kryten looked pleased. "Skipper, you take care, I have a feeling things will work out for you."

Finally he turned to Rimmer. "Arn, thanks again, you saved me from two very troublesome sisters." Rimmer just shrugged.

He turned and walked to the door, put on his flight glasses and turned.

_"Oh and guys, smoke me a kipper I will be back for breakfast."_

**-THE END-**

**Cue Titles and Music**


End file.
